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February 11th, 2008 at 8:39pm]
no more polaroid film?
that's incredibly sad.
006 heart scream

sweetheart, bitterheart, now i can't tell you apart. [Sunday
November 4th, 2007 at 11:06pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

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spent a wonderful day in new york. that city remains such a mystery to me. which means i love it.
i saw some amazing art and found valuable garbage.

everything else is just okay.
school is overwhelming sometimes, really good other times.
i'm kinda getting sick, unfortunately.
my apartment is a mess and i need a job.
i'm sick of caring way too much about everything.

all the things i want i'll probably never have.

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this book and this artist have and continue to change my life.
004 heart scream

staple it together, we'll call it bad weather. [Saturday
September 22nd, 2007 at 1:31pm]
so we FINALLY got internet.
it's been forever since i was last on lj.

i'm currently in boston, in my new apartment...... it's pretty wonderful.
we went to see across the universe last weekend... it was excellent. if i ever did acid or shrooms, i'd want to watch that movie.
so anyway, my classes are good, i'm getting settled in to school and everything, though i feel more insecure and uncertain than ever. for the first time since i've moved away, i've been feeling really homesick. it took 19 years and 1000 miles to know and appreciate what i have at home. i love my family and wish i could pull the great lakes state just a bit closer to this city. financial strain is getting worse, i won't be able to be home for thanksgiving. but it's okay, christmas will come soon enough.
lately i feel like i'm going crazy. my bad habits are getting worse and multiplying. i'm continually working to find that sacred balance.
at the end of the day, i'm learning so much and happy to be back. things will never be the same as last year, and i just have to accept it.

so here's to new experiences and a continued journey.
002 heart scream

you already know how this will end. [Sunday
May 13th, 2007 at 4:39pm]
i'm already starting to pack up this beautiful room. it's not the same without the mess, but i suppose it's more livable. i'm having to account for all this dust and debris that i never quite noticed before.

i can't put into words how much i love life, despite all the hard times and shit storms.
all this time, all that i've learned, and of myself.
i still wonder whether or not i know, but of course i do.
i've felt so lost and found with every step i've taken.
how afraid i am of myself and the conclusions i've made.
i have a growing acceptance and desire for change.
i've grown such a hunger for knowledge, a desire to devour and understand philosophy, to somehow apply it to my life, but i still maintain an insecurity that i might be stupid.
it's so easy it is to fall back into old habits, no matter how old.
sometimes i don't even recognise my own reflection when caught out of the corner of my eye in the window.
i'm thinking seeing living life more visually, wanting to capture every beautiful thing i can't hold on to.
i want to live my life more honestly.
and i know you don't understand what i mean when i say that.

i'm not ready to let go of this place or these people. but i have another 5 days to enjoy it the best way i know how. i'm leaving to pick up my sister at the airport soon, and i couldn't be happier about that.
there's a part of me that's ready to go back to the quite suburbia for a while, get a job and live slowly, simply. connect with some people i've lost touch with, accept the loss of others. spend timd with my family and laugh with my aunts. think about and work on myself and my art. it's going to be a drastic change and it will probably get old fast.

i miss this place already.
003 heart scream

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